he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
