Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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