When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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