is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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