Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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