Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
