Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
