i think my mom watched the whole time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
