Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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