Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
