Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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