The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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