Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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