My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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