So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
