already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
