What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
