do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We need a shit load of segways right now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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