last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do herpes really smell.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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