I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
