He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
