just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
