Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
