sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i've created a new STD.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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