Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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