I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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