just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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