I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
