i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
