she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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