U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
