i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
