That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
