i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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