he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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