im about as happy as oj after his trial
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize