Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
