I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
