mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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