I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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