What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think your dad took our porno
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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