Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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