Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
