when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She even gives head with a lisp.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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