i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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