Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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