I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
