Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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