I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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