I'm lost and stupid without you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
