Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
