Please, let me fuck your mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
barbara walters just said penis...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
