I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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