i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
