I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's the barista slut.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
