The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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