Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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