The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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