dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
