my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i will never coherently bang her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
