The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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