There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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