Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
