You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
