He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
